FOR BOYS ONLY
If you are reading this article I guess you might be a boy, I mean a young man in the making, probably late teenage or just out of teenage. That, actually, is my target audience. If you don't belong to that category, welcome all the same, you might just be helping yourself to some insightful information.
This piece was necessitated by a young man who called me few days ago around 1am. We spoke for over 1 hour. Guess…when a young guy holds someone up for over an hour in the night on phone, it's most likely about "girl" issues. You are not totally wrong but that was just for a few minutes. The main gist was about the relationship between this young boy and his father. They are not getting along well. Too many arguments and complaints from both sides. I am putting up the nuggets I offered him, in case it would help another young guy.
Last Saturday, I travelled for a party with a few friends. My Dad was at that party too. After a while, he asked one of my friends to call me. When I got to him, he asked that we go for a walk. We went for a walk and came back after about 20 minutes. The little time we spent together helped us both to catch up on latest gist about each other - work issues, travel plans, health and a lot of other things. We left the party separately, I travelled back same day. That day, I thought to myself, this could not have happened some five to eight years ago.
Come to think of it, in the process of growing up the period we seem to be most at loggerheads with our fathers is just when we are about to break into that stage when we no longer are boys, but men. Remember the process of molting in insects. It is called METAMORPHOSIS. Simply put, it is transformation. Becoming a man is not a day's job. It takes a lot of hard work.
No responsible father will watch his little giant grow into an irresponsible man. To a large extent, he thinks his own future depends on what and how his son turns out to be. Whether you realize it or not, he is a major stakeholder in your future. He wants to see you succeed as much as you also do.
In this process, we get to disagree a lot, get angry at each other frequently and sometimes we are tempted to think he is an enemy. A father and his young adult son at this time would have differing opinions, different tastes, and different perspectives to life issues and so on. If care is not taken, to handle this challenge with caution, we might become estranged from our fathers.
The best coach a young man can have is his father. It is said that even if a young child has more new clothes than an elder, he cannot have as many old clothes. This underscores the experience which your father has that you do not. When you get to that point where things seem not to be well between you and your father, some practical tips could help. I have tried them and they indeed worked for me.
BE PATIENT. There is nothing you will achieve by heating up the atmosphere. Let your father get as angry as he can get, as long as you remain calm, the situation will not get out of hand. You do not understand him because you two are seeing things from different perspectives. Because of this, you need to be calm at all cost. The metamorphosis must not be disrupted, so there is need for patience. Time is an important component of such transformation. When you jump up you come down, but when you grow up you stay up. It takes time to grow, please allow that time. Be patient. Patient with your father and patient with yourself.
NEVER TALK BACK. No matter how angry you get because of whatever your father does or says, never, never, never, talk back at your father. I mean, never answer him in your fit of anger. Do not say something in your anger that you will have to apologize for when your anger has subsided. To be quiet would be better than raising your voice at your father. There might be a remote possibility that his line of argument is faulty, but even then, courtesy demands you to accord him every respect.
HONOR HIM. The Good Book says to honor your parents because this is the first commandment with a blessing. This blessing is that you would live long. Do not do anything to dishonor your father or put him down. You have to listen to whatever he has to say and always do all that you can to obey his orders. Be careful for the way you present him or talk about him among your peers. If you do not present him honorably, your friends would not treat him as such and I am sure you do not want your friends disrespecting your father.
TRY HIS PERSPECTIVE. Maybe you could come off whatever pedestal you are looking from and try to look from his own perspective. He might be right, but how would you know. Because he has seen more of real life than you, his wealth of experience might just be all you need to ensure a smooth transition into Manhood. A wise man once said "I can see farther because I stand on the shoulders of those who have gone ahead of me". I think that works in real life. When he offers advice, please take them. When he corrects you please try and make amends. It won't hurt to see if his methods can actually deliver the results you want. Do your best to try and look from above his shoulders. Save yourself some stress of trying everything out on your own. You sure can trust that no real father would lead his son astray.
I do not promise a quick fix to the relationship problems between you and your father but I sure know this can be a starting point to making things a lot better between you both. You can bet that he loves you and he wants to see you end up better than himself. It is the joy of every father, including yours, to see his son become greater, better, wealthier and more influential than him. If you are a young lady reading this piece, I do hope it can help you too.
I certainly know you will succeed and eventually make your father proud. That, also, is my dream. I can't afford his death now because he has to live to see the results of his labour. Believe me, it was not easy form him. He almost developed high blood pressure in his quest to see me turn out right.
To my greatest Coach and dearest Father - thanks for all you have ever done for me, the arguments, the fights, the accusations and more importantly the corrections. I am not there yet but I will soon be there. Please hang in till then. I LOVE YOU.
If you are reading this article I guess you might be a boy, I mean a young man in the making, probably late teenage or just out of teenage. That, actually, is my target audience. If you don't belong to that category, welcome all the same, you might just be helping yourself to some insightful information.
This piece was necessitated by a young man who called me few days ago around 1am. We spoke for over 1 hour. Guess…when a young guy holds someone up for over an hour in the night on phone, it's most likely about "girl" issues. You are not totally wrong but that was just for a few minutes. The main gist was about the relationship between this young boy and his father. They are not getting along well. Too many arguments and complaints from both sides. I am putting up the nuggets I offered him, in case it would help another young guy.
Last Saturday, I travelled for a party with a few friends. My Dad was at that party too. After a while, he asked one of my friends to call me. When I got to him, he asked that we go for a walk. We went for a walk and came back after about 20 minutes. The little time we spent together helped us both to catch up on latest gist about each other - work issues, travel plans, health and a lot of other things. We left the party separately, I travelled back same day. That day, I thought to myself, this could not have happened some five to eight years ago.
Come to think of it, in the process of growing up the period we seem to be most at loggerheads with our fathers is just when we are about to break into that stage when we no longer are boys, but men. Remember the process of molting in insects. It is called METAMORPHOSIS. Simply put, it is transformation. Becoming a man is not a day's job. It takes a lot of hard work.
No responsible father will watch his little giant grow into an irresponsible man. To a large extent, he thinks his own future depends on what and how his son turns out to be. Whether you realize it or not, he is a major stakeholder in your future. He wants to see you succeed as much as you also do.
In this process, we get to disagree a lot, get angry at each other frequently and sometimes we are tempted to think he is an enemy. A father and his young adult son at this time would have differing opinions, different tastes, and different perspectives to life issues and so on. If care is not taken, to handle this challenge with caution, we might become estranged from our fathers.
The best coach a young man can have is his father. It is said that even if a young child has more new clothes than an elder, he cannot have as many old clothes. This underscores the experience which your father has that you do not. When you get to that point where things seem not to be well between you and your father, some practical tips could help. I have tried them and they indeed worked for me.
BE PATIENT. There is nothing you will achieve by heating up the atmosphere. Let your father get as angry as he can get, as long as you remain calm, the situation will not get out of hand. You do not understand him because you two are seeing things from different perspectives. Because of this, you need to be calm at all cost. The metamorphosis must not be disrupted, so there is need for patience. Time is an important component of such transformation. When you jump up you come down, but when you grow up you stay up. It takes time to grow, please allow that time. Be patient. Patient with your father and patient with yourself.
NEVER TALK BACK. No matter how angry you get because of whatever your father does or says, never, never, never, talk back at your father. I mean, never answer him in your fit of anger. Do not say something in your anger that you will have to apologize for when your anger has subsided. To be quiet would be better than raising your voice at your father. There might be a remote possibility that his line of argument is faulty, but even then, courtesy demands you to accord him every respect.
HONOR HIM. The Good Book says to honor your parents because this is the first commandment with a blessing. This blessing is that you would live long. Do not do anything to dishonor your father or put him down. You have to listen to whatever he has to say and always do all that you can to obey his orders. Be careful for the way you present him or talk about him among your peers. If you do not present him honorably, your friends would not treat him as such and I am sure you do not want your friends disrespecting your father.
TRY HIS PERSPECTIVE. Maybe you could come off whatever pedestal you are looking from and try to look from his own perspective. He might be right, but how would you know. Because he has seen more of real life than you, his wealth of experience might just be all you need to ensure a smooth transition into Manhood. A wise man once said "I can see farther because I stand on the shoulders of those who have gone ahead of me". I think that works in real life. When he offers advice, please take them. When he corrects you please try and make amends. It won't hurt to see if his methods can actually deliver the results you want. Do your best to try and look from above his shoulders. Save yourself some stress of trying everything out on your own. You sure can trust that no real father would lead his son astray.
I do not promise a quick fix to the relationship problems between you and your father but I sure know this can be a starting point to making things a lot better between you both. You can bet that he loves you and he wants to see you end up better than himself. It is the joy of every father, including yours, to see his son become greater, better, wealthier and more influential than him. If you are a young lady reading this piece, I do hope it can help you too.
I certainly know you will succeed and eventually make your father proud. That, also, is my dream. I can't afford his death now because he has to live to see the results of his labour. Believe me, it was not easy form him. He almost developed high blood pressure in his quest to see me turn out right.
To my greatest Coach and dearest Father - thanks for all you have ever done for me, the arguments, the fights, the accusations and more importantly the corrections. I am not there yet but I will soon be there. Please hang in till then. I LOVE YOU.
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